On people called the “Telugu Audience”

/This post is written in utter disappointment and frustration …So, pardon me for the language …./

/This post has excerpts from the discussions I had with my PS-mates /

This post can very well be generalized to the whole set of audience called “Indian Film junta” but Id rather stick to the point if it is a smaller lot.I got the big picture now. All that the telugu film audience want from a movie is a couple of theen-maar songs ….a handful of acrobatics (which are often termed ‘fights’ ) … a liplock where in we are shown the hero and the heroine kissing from behind and not sideways, and alwayss…..always…..the hero emerging a real hero in the movie without any hassles what so ever.

The Telugu Cinema has been the same for 30-40 years now…and I am sure it will be the same another 50 years down the line. Pro’lly more technology would be useed to make the fights  more acrobatic (err!!! arent they acrobatic enough?? ) and music becoming a bit more
electronica kinds and may be they will reduce the number of songs to 5 (that surely includes one theen-maar) …and …. more cheap slapstick comedy would be one of its trademarks.

Once in a bluemoon we get to see some good movies like Naa Oopiri, Baanam, Aa Naluguru, Nijam ..and look at the fate of these movies..Except for Aa Naluguru none of the movies fared at the box office. Take Nijam for example …we rarely see such a performance from any Telugu actor ..and still the movie doesnt run. Why? ‘Coz the hero is not actually a hero but he is just the guy next door. And then movie goers…these fucking hypocrites…come out saying all the Telugu movies are the same and there is nothing new in the present day MOVIE. Arey mere bhai….even if Stanley Kubrick makes a movie in Telugu …he has to beg distributors to buy the film. And another thing about these Telugu heroes…( read as 50 yr  old …fit for nothing…image crazy … 200 lb …jackasses) ….are stuck in their so called “Image” that they hardly try acting in a movie outside their usual gamut of roles. And all the fans care about is….how many days…how many theaters….We dont care if a movie is as shitty as Tualsi or Hitler or watever …..all we care is 16 days….25 crores….345 centres.

Take Hollywood movies for that matter..If you have seen Men Who stare at goats..Kevin Spacey plays a role which lasts for less than 15 minutes …and Burn After Reading has Brad Pitt playing a role which has come from an actor who acted in movies like Se7en and Snatch…One thing is sure …they are not stuck in this crap hole called “Image”.

I do agree that there were some great directors in Telugu cinema as well….but we hardly find any these days.No wonder why RGV (Not that all his movies are great) moved to Bollywood. He will surely get bored of bollywood as well…and soon …he will shift to Hollywood.

I dont see the future of Telugu Cinema changing…not that I am a big fan of change…but I would like it to change.

PS: This post has been written as an after effect of people criticizing YMC, I will stand hating the Telugu Audiences if the movie flops , for the rest of my life

PPS: As my man Tupac said long back….for all you YMC haters…. “Fuck All Y’all”

On “God hates us All”

Everybody has plans.God has plans for every one of us(Thats what some Editorial in a news paper claims) .Well I very much like to listen to people’s plans .This is how god’s plans sound…

I am a 9 year old boy.Every morning I wake up at a time when  most of you are having the weirdest possible dreams  .I pick up my lunch start on foot …travel 6-7 kms to reach the bus stop and board a bus which takes me to a far off place whatever which keeps me working  till 2 in the noon.The I get my so called “break” which lasts for not more than 10 minutes. And then I look at all the boys who are of my age playing and wearing all those fancy school dresses and feel that probably one day I will wear those dandy costumes and play like them.And then  I take a bus back again at 9 o clock and come back home and lay back and realize that the day is’nt over yet.And then I run to the Resto-Bar which is very close to my house ,only to serve pieces of chicken and  Peanuts to half drunk rich bastards.And when I carry a lot of them till 11 30 in the night my lack of sleep makes me drowse a lil bit and this time I slip, and spill all my drinks over another one of those rich bastards who gets mightily pissed at me and sucker punches me in the throat.One hour later I die of a blood clot in my throat.Well God really had a good plan for me.

I have always had faith in god and I always thought there was some supreme power above us all which guards what we all do.And I have grown up with that belief. Now I worship each and every god my religion says is a god .And I have visited all the temples in the vicinity of my city and So this time I take a long journey to the Himachal Pradesh to visit the temple of xN yD zJ .I suddenly I find  myself in a slew of  “Bhaktas” , pushing me towards the railings and all of a sudden it breaks and I fall off the cliff and my head topples down the hill like a football down a slope  and breaks into a zillion pieces and I die. Thank you God for all the belief I had in you, you proved that you had a plan for me.

I am a Law student ,in my second year of study ,who a lot of guys consider “hot”  (If you got the point skip through the para).I too enjoyed it till one point when a guy started stalking me(This coming from me? ) .I had to take all desperate measures to escape from him everyday while going home.But the fact that his father was a big shot in the “Industry” made it difficult for me to follow the legal path.I somehow finished my three years at college but the guy has’nt stopped stalking me.But he suddenly stopped pestering me and I thought it was all over only to find him knocking on my door the next day at a late night hour.And two hours later I find myself ….raped….bashed with a motorcycle helmet 24times…and finally strangled to death.Well God seriously gave me the death …the way it should be.Thank you God for your plan for me worked out very well.

What plans does god have for 80 year olds dying of cold every day in Delhi or any other place for that matter?..he would just say…”U had ur share of life …Now get the heck out of this world”

What plans does god have for millions of innocent people dying in wars waged by psyscopaths like Bush or Saddam?..he just laughs at the weak and botched just as Nietzsche or Plato would.

What plans does god have for those 800 odd million who live on less than Rs 20 per day and are probably unable to get two square meals a day?…his plan is to starve them to death.

I can go on till wordpress allows me to but…at some point I should stop.I guess you have got my point.I dont care wat you think and I am not asking you to  agree with me.

God Please stop planning things for us !

 

The torture called “Telugu Muvi”

The title might have sounded a bit too harsh but I can’t help it.I know ..I know…You might be thinking that “This guy has watched a couple of English and Spanish  movies and thinks he can comment on telugu movies”.That is partly true..to the extent that I have watched a lot of English movies but as a matter of fact I like( liked  I shud say) a lot of telugu movies by K.Viswanath , Jandhyala, Singeetham ,  SVK etc. But the present day telugu movies are like the third degree torture of sorts.Oh My God what all things they come up with in these new movies.

By now yu would have surely guessed that I love to talk about girls.And I looourvee to talk about The telugu movie girls.I do agree some are hot and all but that’s not my point here .The kinda roles they do (are they even supposed to be called roles?) …are so frikkin moron–ish.The typical heroine in a telugu movie comes from a middle class family..mind you ,middle class in a telugu movie sense=> Nokia N 90 ,all kindsa lip glosses and all, and pro’ly designer wear .And coming to the dresses they wear…it depends on the type of movie i.e.low budget movie== lot of skin show required,high budget movie== not much skin show required but the occasional saree slides and skirt jumps would do .

Now coming to the the heroines family.Why is it that only the hero in a telugu movie is a orphan and never a heroine? Because there should be someone who doesnt like the girl falling in love with the hero.And they have these fixed prototypes for a father and the brother.i.e the father is always the old man with a big mush and always for no reason wears a white khadi “uniform” i shud say.And the brother is always an asshole.He just …for no reason..doesnt like the hero…I mean even if he is the meanest basterd the world has ever seen or the mahatma of the modern times…he just doesnt like the hero….reason being ..for no reason at all.

And on top of all this…as this wasnt enough..they fall for guys …for no reason at all.One common recurring theme being fight scene in which the guy rescues her from  goons trying to molest her.Nowadays even more innovative ways have come up like….in one movie the girl falls for the hero because he formatted her computer and feels that he is a techie of sorts…and then they run off to some Switzerland for a song.And always…..always….the heroine girls are dumb ……and they are destined to be dumb.

For gods sakes …I dont expect movies like Shawshank or Scarface or something but come on guys we arent that bad.I mean we can make good movies…or shud I say better movies.I am done with this telugu horse crap for some time now…..I cant take this nay longer….I quit….

PS:For people who think this post has been written after seeing Ek N ….Bingo!

Ah!!

I am going to sound very very desperate in this post . So, people who consider themselves the traditional chimps can knock yourselves off. (Bubbye)

It’s Oasis time here and everybody is enjoying.I dont understand what’s with things we dont have…We kinda yearn for them in the cheapest possible way.And especially when it is Oasis time… this feeling of frustration creeps into me even more.

The much hyped up Oasis kickstarted with the Inaug which was atrocious in the true sense of the word.I seriously dissent the idea of having Rahul Bose as the chief guest.The reason,for starters …his speech was awful .I do understand what all he talked about was’nt senseless but it would have made more sense at those “India is shining ..is it really? ” kind of events where you have a couple of professors on Policy making and a couple of bigshots in the city and one of those matinee idols just for the heck of it(This is no way is a criticism of his work or his vision for India) …but just that it was not a speech which was called for at that moment.

Then comes the next big event.Maybe I was struck by short term memory loss or something but I was expecting MC to play a couple of songs at the beginning of the cultural events(which of course was beefed up by the fact that some MC’er was  continuously practising a Metallica song ,a couple of days back).But to my surprise I hit the jackpot or something…it kick started with Mime’s cheap slapstick comedy.Yeah I do agree that I laughed at  a couple of occasions but on the whole when they were performing I involved myself in better things like looking at maatha etc .

And then of course DC arrived . I thought “Yeah baby” lets have some fun and thats when even they started really entertaining me.This was what DC was..

Energy Levels: 2-3 on a scale of 10

Coordination:5-6

Grace and Expression :4-5

Choreography and Innovativeness in the moves: 0

I know I’m no judge of DC’s “talented” artists but I have spent a good part of my school years in watching all those stupid Dance programs on TV and I surely can judge based on the above criteria.And I was even more pissed off because I waited for theses stupid dances standing for 2 hrs . I was mightily pissed off with the “Urvasi Urvasi ” performance becuase everybody was dancing..sorry..(obviously trying to) dance like some very experienced dancer who had a lot of grace in their moves and clearly they sucked…(On the whole as well)

All this might seem no match to the title of the article but here comes the interesting part…I walked out utterly disappointed …into the M-lawns ..and then I saw these bunch of Delhi (surely!!) …Chics( who else would qualify for such a term) .AS Jack Nicholson said in the movie Something’s Gotta Give…”The sweet uncomplicated satisfaction watching a young woman.. At that feeding age when everything just falls right into place..Its magic time and it can render any man anywhere absolutely helpless” .They were just Brahma’s creations man.Oh My God! I have never seen anybody like them .Sheit Man(References:the NetApp guy )!!!!! ..And you all know what kinda girls we get to watch at BITS. I very well know that I dont have the balls or the charm or the wits or the aukaath  to talk to such a girl(I wouldnt even qualify for a bitsian girl) but who wants to talk if you can just watch them and enjoy as much as talking to a bitsian girl . But the Bro Code says “You never know” .

PS:Who was the fat guy dancing on the extreme left for the first song…He is pathetic man come-on ..I can dance way better …If you are serious and  want me to give you an audition ……I will …

PS2:How do girls wear very short….i.e like these extreme short skirts which cover only a quarter lengths of their legs.. (As a matter of fact I was shivering wearing my three-fourths)

 

Dreams vs Reality

Everyone dreams.I’m no exception.But we obviously don’t dream about something we can achieve.It is always the unattainable which is fun to think about.What if I had a Murcielago?!?! What if I was in Stavanger, Norway ?!?! What if I was a guy dating Veronica Finn ,Jenna Dewan , Alyssa Milano, Cameroon Diaz and Scarlett one after the other(I don’t mind all of them at the same time) !??! This is what I dream about.

What I want to be?

Earn something like 80k-100k Euro a year by the time I am 25-26 (I dont mind working my ass off for that)

Stay far away from all the people I know .

Never ever ever get married or bald .

May be shell out some 20-30k for philanthropic purposes

Get drunk  almost every alternate day .

Go on a world tour on a yacht or something like some Aussie chic is doing.

Quit wat ever I will be doing at some 45 may be …buy a small island or watever in the Caribbean somewhere and then may be die at some 55-60 of some unknown, unheardof disease.

Well that’s all nice .Sounds pretty much everybody’s dream.But they are  not meant to happen ‘coz they are dreams.Well now as Nas would say “Reality struck..what the fuck!”

What I will be

Graduate from some average/good university with a Masters degree in I dont know what.

Take up some shitty job..whatever… which keeps me at work from 7AM-9PM or something .

May be get married at one of those ….what do they call them…”Marriage fairs” … to a girl whom I have never ever seen in my life before…and keep the stiff upper lip for the rest of my life.

Father  3  children by the time I reach 30 not giving a fuck to the alarming population rates and all those Social Science text  books telling me all about resource depletion etc.

Get greedy like everyone does…not even give out a single pie to those 3-4 year old’s starving or many of those 7-8 year old’s dying of AIDS ….coz they say…”U know what …I too have kids…I gotta look after them”

Be the average married guy at 35-40 i.e bald, not getting drunk because ..that being one of my so called  “Marriage Promises”, short tempered and lost.

By the time I reach 50 …I would be that moralistic prick every one hates ….and very short tempered …sick of life kind of guy…dying to watch the News Channels ….

Retire by the time I reach 60 develop some ulcers and the regular old age problems and frequent the doctors place, getting worried for every cough and cold.

I seriously hate to think of what happens at 60-75 but may be then Ill die of some disease …whatever that makes me bed ridden for the whole of  my 76th year .

All in all Im just another brick in the wall.I hate to think this will happen .But it will. I have an impressive track record as well .So dont be surprised to see/meet me in any one of those stages.

On “Rudy”

Was one hell-of-a movie …which I saw yesterday…. The movie is all about “Mediocrity”…well how does that sound.We always watch movies where a “no class beat down fool” turns a hero overnight or may be after an year or so and the movie ends with him achieving what a lot of people have thought/ said he would’nt. But in tha context this movie is different ..this guy “Rudy” always wanted to be a football player ..but never had the skills.Then one day he runs away to join the school which has the best football team (which he has always dreamt of from his childhood) .Then he somehow makes it  into the school .He is not a gifted player and he is not that well built to play defense as well but thats where the “Mediocrity” part comes in .He is just normal …just like you and me and all he does is work his ass off day in and day out to make it into the team…and finally he is into the team …but never into the main  team…so never gets the oppurtunity to wear the team jersey…..So for him the biggest thing is to wear his team jersey and walk down the tunnel once …and guess waht the movie ends this way ….he is given an oppurtunity to play for just 37 seconds …that too …because all his team mates insist (seeing his determination in practise…and seeing that he doesnt get selected into the team for the whole of his college life) and finally …he tackles a runner …. and thats it …kaboomm ..the movie is over…and believe me …this is a real story .I dont know if anyone could make a better movie about mediocrity .How many times have you seen a  movie about some one like the next door guy.I dont think Indians would ever make a movie like this.They couldnt even dare to .

P.S I am trying to make the posts in this blog as short as possible …So I guess you could take an occasional look at it …coz anyways I dont think you have better things to do at your …office

On “Bloggers”

(Ergodic Thoughts from a fluid soul)

Well …Yeahh!!!…

Never understood the fun of blogging never will …Whats with blogging anyways?(Question,Question)

The world is full of people who are just…..dumb in their own way(Skeptical).

People never listen …they are born stubborn …If you feel they arent …”This world could’nt have born both a Gandhi and a Hitler at the same time”.No matter what I write here… I am sure that it wouldnt make a bittofa difference in the way people think.

Some say they just want to talk to someone and thats why they blog…Just get the helloutta here…dimwits….

Each and every one wants to be what they could never be(I am not going to repeat some stupid custom messages you have seen on your messengers) . And so….they want people to think they are their surreal self which never even existed and would.

Pretty much belong to the latter category (Confused)

Sayonara!